Its no secret that I'm a typically positive person; I smile at strangers, I laugh far too much and I always try to see the best in people, but I'm also human. The last few days I've been grumpy, complain too much, felt sluggish and slept more than usual. This doesn't suit me and I know that I can't stay in this place. I've suffered from depression for almost half a decade so for me when i start to think negatively, I do it about myself not others. I think I'm not good enough, I hate my face and hair and worry that everyone will get sick of me. I want to have time to myself yet I don't want to be alone. I just feel lost.
Another thing that really gets me down is negative people, in my life I try to surround myself with only positivity but thats not always possible. The important thing to do is not get too drawn into their problems, I don't mean not help a friend but you cant be there to get drunk or sit around and hate everything all the time without it affecting you.
Because of this I have coping mechanisms, I have things that I know will keep me ok. Things that will stop me from feeling awful and remind me that this won't last and stop me from being dragged down
I listen to music I love
Sometimes I have a very specific music need, others it can be anything from Ziggy Stardust to the Legally Blonde Soundtrack. But I know that when I need inspiring I can go to Defying Gravity from Wicked. To get me out of bed and dressed I put Pencil Full of Lead by Paolo Nutini on.
I spend time with those I love
I'm lucky that I have a wonderful boyfriend who can always cheer me up and friends who I can talk to anything about. At university I'm always near a friend or my boyfriend who I can trust and who know when I don't feel right. In the same way I know when they need a bit of help too. Sitting in the uni library, going for lunch or just chatting can really help
I visit family
I have quite a tight knit family so on Tuesday we all meet at my Nana's house and just spend a couple of hours gossiping and drinking tea. I look up to my Gran a lot and always ask her advice when life gets tough. I also have my Granda who can always cheer me up and my beautiful Nephew who comes too. I'm lucky to also have a lovely cousin and two Nieces in Durham who I enjoy talking to on the phone.
I treat myself
A little bit of posh chocolate or a new scarf make me feel that little bit happier and remind me to treat myself too. It can be something as silly as buying a Starbucks for going to all my lectures this week or some Hotel Chocolat sweeties for managing a whole week. It counts.
I surround myself with positive people
As I said earlier, negativity rubs off. So when I'm feeling down I don't want to sink further. I chat to a friend who is a happy soul or just go for some food with my sloths (uni best friends). Its easier to be positive around positive people.
I stay away from triggers
There are some things that will make me instantly sad, anxious or angry and when I'm already feeling down thats the last thing I want. Its not blocking things out, its keeping myself safe.
I look after myself
With my Lupus, any extra stress could cause a flare. So I make sure I get enough sleep, eat well and try not to push myself. The last one especially as I have a tendency to take too much on, it helps to take a step back and think about what is important.
I stop caring about how I look
I usually think about my appearance a lot, sometimes too much. But when I'm not at my best it doesn't feel important anymore, I feel ok about going out without make up because I'm recovering and it feels better to be the real me.
If you need a quick cheer up, here is a bucket of sloths
I'm slowly starting to feel like me again, how do you beat negativity?