TW- Mental health, suicidal thoughts, body image, eating disorders. This is a very personal post.
Unloved. Too clingy. Paranoid. Selfish. Childish. Cold. Too Spotty. Too Old. Barren Womb. Wonky Tits. Too thin. Skeletal. Under nourished. Doesn't deserve to be nourished. Broken Body. Clumsy. Legs don’t work. Stupid. Scarred body. Small tits. Negative. Crazy mind. Untalented. Uncaring.
Not worthy of life. Ugly. Ridiculous accent. Thin lips. Big nose. Bad teeth. Disgusting hair colour.
Body is trying to kill me.
Tonight I wrote a list of all the negative things I think about myself, the things that the disgusting voice in my head tries to convince me are true. Sitting and reading these things, I can't believe that I let them overcome me. I let myself say these things about me. I would never let someone else say them to me. I would never say them about a friend or tell a friend these things. We really are our own worst enemies.
It's hard when you have a major life change, especially a break up, to not see yourself in the worst possible light. And its a struggle every day to not think these about myself. I need to keep fighting though. I can't give in. I know deep down that I love my body, even when it hates me. That I have a wonderful creative mind that won't be worn down. And that I am a good person. I am.
I don't know why I wrote this, but its not for attention and for others to flock to me with love. I just wanted to remind myself that I am worthy of love and life and I deserve to live.
Image is a quote from 4.48 Psychosis by Sarah Kane